Everyone has a frenemy. The Urban Dictionary defines it as: "a blurred friendship; a friend and a rival or enemy." Another definition is a little more mean-spirited, but gets the point across. A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm. But, I like the "Mean Girls" definition best:
Regina: We do not have a clique problem at this school.
Gretchen: But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".
Regina: What are "frenemies"?
Gretchen: Frenemies are enemies who act like friends. We call them "frenemies".
Karen: Or "enemends".
Gretchen: Or friends who secretly hate you, we call them "fraitors".
Regina: [rolls eyes] That is so gay.
Karen: [gasps] What if we called them "mean-em-aitors"?
Regina: [scoffs]
Gretchen: No, honey, it has to have the word "friend" in it.
Karen: Oh...
I love this term. I use it all the time. I first heard it on "Sex and The City" describing Charlotte and Samantha's relationship. The origin came from the author Jessica Mitford who's sister made up the word when she was little.
As adults, I think frenemies are most prevalent at work. And I think we probably have more frenemies than we'd want to know about. But what if you have a longtime friend who's a frenemy? Without going into details, I'm dealing with this. This person is very dear to me and I don't want to lose the friendship. When it's good, it's very good. There's just some aspects that bring me down. Do you continue the friendship or cut it out?
This isn't some secret message to anyone who reads my blog. I wouldn't bring it up if it was someone I was worried about offending or calling out. Just curious what others think.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Frenemies
Posted by Jude at 12:16 AM
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9 comments:
There comes a time in a friendship like this where you just have to decide: keep the friendship - ignore the negative OR let the friendship die. Some people may try to "work through" these problems. I personally think that if you are in a committed marriage it is hard enough to change for each other, let alone change for a friendship. So personally I just think you have to decide if you can deal with the frenemies behavior or not. Does the good of the friendship outweigh the bad?
I did drive by your house on Thursday after the orthodontist, sorry we didn't have time to stop.
I say cut the ties and move on. If it's causing you enough stress repeatedly, it's not worth it. Friendships are supposed to be building.
I'm with Snakeriverwalton- it's not worth it if it's too much work! I think there should be a term in the blogger world- someone who never reads or comments on their friends blogs (because we all know it's how friendships run these days= like snail mail letters versus emails) but wants everyone to read theirs and comment on all of their wonderful life adventures. They could care less about the goings on in your life. I really want a word for these guys- let's brainstorm shall we>?? Wow, did I really just write about being blog slighted??? I'm with ya though - I love having the give and take in friendships, it's not always equal- but if they're not someone you could call when you're going through a rough patch or also share good news with, then why waste your time, good will, and energies? Wow, you've struck a nerve with me. Next, you should write about the people (very much on the same level of frenemies I would say) who tolerate lying, skeezy husbands who abandon their wives and children in the pursuit of another woman and the people in their ward who think he's a rockstar still...or maybe I will. :) Man, I woke up on the wrong side today!
Oh, Liz... don't get me started on that rockstar! Venom will start coming out of my mouth!
Haha- what? Did he tell you to kiss his butt too (his words, not mine - mine are also more lethal for men like him)?
Jude, just know that the world is made up with all types...and without the "frenemies" we couldn't appreciate the solid friendships that are so valuable! I love reading your blogs and you and Liz both make me LOL whenever I read about some Rockstar. Oh, some people will never GET IT!
Judy- Definitely done. I should be more Christian and say "love everyone" but we both know I'm not like that (unfortunately for those around me). I am a firm believer life is too short for jerks so I would cut the tie and just be Christmas-Card-Friends.
AHH, the frenemy. I would agree - most prevalent at work. I have a friend that is an expert at cutting such frenemies out of her life and she helped me through one I axed out of my life (she wasn't so much a frenemy but a backstabber...I didn't think that still happened out of HS!). Her advice: if you are pretty sure you want said person out of your life, the first step is to ignore. Stop calling, e-mailing, communicating. Once this stops on your end, they will often NOT try and reach you (because they're a frenemy, of course), but if they do and won't stop, give them one terse courtesy response and then call it quits for good.
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