The Grass is Greener

I have probably had every possible work schedule. I've done part-time work/full-time student thing at a cute, quaint retail location - working at a children's clothing store during college. I've had the full-time cool & hip job when I worked downtown at the Judge Building for CitySearch, my first job as a newlywed and out of college. I continued the full-time downtown thing at Ticketmaster, but that required some Saturdays and evening work at concerts. And at that job, I was important so I travelled a bit too. When I had Katie, I took a "demotion" at Ticketmaster, so I could work part-time on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturday mornings. That couldn't continue, because it was too hard to continue the "free" babysitting family offered, so I took a position at Thanksgiving Point where I worked from 3 - 9 PM to avoid any day care costs, but then I never saw John. My dad hated that I worked down there and he'd say, "it's the BANE of my EXISTENCE!" because he didn't want me driving around the Point of the Mountain. After my first pregnancy loss, I decided to cut back and I even took a part-time gig at Katie's preschool so I could earn money during the time she was taking class down the hall. I have done and tried it all, so I could be a mom and help provide for our family.

And now, I've got the dream gig, right? For over 3 years, I've worked from home for Utah Family magazine. What I had wanted to do that entire time, with all the crazy schedules, commutes and locations - I finally got what I wanted. Well, there are a LOT of upsides, but today all I can think about are the downsides:

1.) My house is always in shambles. I have a nice office downstairs that is a mess and since I don't want to clean it, I work on the laptop upstairs. When things are busy around deadline, like right now, it looks like a frickin' co ed dorm. Right now, I'm staring at 8 empty Diet Coke cans, 3 stacks of papers, a pile of Legos and a hymn book from Family Night just on my front coffee table. My house was DEFINITELY cleaner when I worked in an office and wasn't home to mess it up.

2.) I have no nice clothes. Seriously... my work clothes are from over 3 years ago. Some don't fit and some are outdated. My work clothes now consist of pajama or exercise bottoms and a T-shirt. Classy!

3.) I hardly ever shower. Well, that's not really true. I shower almost every day, but I may not get INTO the shower until 2:30 p.m., 5:30 p.m. or right before bed. There's something to be said in knowing that someone WILL see you before 3:00 each day.

4.) My dog drives me crazy. As most of you know, I adore Bailey, but on days like today when it's really nice outside, he'll just whine at the front door. I'll put him in his kennel and he'll whine there. I'll take him in my room and he'll whine. On some days, he will curl up next to me and be very adorable, but most of the time I get the whiner.

5.) I'm not disciplined enough to work from home. If I was really on top of things, I'd wake up, take Katie to school and then come home to get things done BEFORE I start working. I'd exercise, take the dog for a walk, clean-up, shower and so on. But, as soon as Katie drops off, I'm on the laptop. I compusively check my email, so in reality, it's like I'm working all the time. Around deadline, again, I'll be working around the clock. I only work 20 - 25 hours a week, but when you're putting in 20 minutes here and then 20 minutes there, it can really take up your whole day.

6.) Work doesn't stop at 5 PM. Segue from above. I try not to work when Katie is home from school and I do pretty well at that, but I'll get phone calls and emails until it's late. This doesn't happen all the time, but it can around deadline. And my friends wonder why I never answer the phone! I'm on it ALL the time.

7.) I eat constantly. At least when I worked in the office, I had to FIND food -- either go somewhere or go out to lunch. Someone had to have brought snacks or you had to find a vending machine. But now, it's all right here just seconds away in my fridge and I have easy access. It's as dangerous as snacking when you're watching TV. No wonder I'm not losing any weight!

So on that note, yes... I know how blessed/lucky/grateful I should be that I actually have a job, and one I mostly like, especially since I work from home. But after 3 + years, I'm definitely having a "grass is greener" moment and thinking how fun it would be to go back to my D.I.N.K. days working downtown with my cute wardrobe, skinnier waistline, and NO WHINING DOG!